Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Starting to wonder...

Did we make the right decision to come here? It reflects my silence as of late, but now it's keeping me up at night, so I need to quit keeping it in.

In some ways, Dave's job is great- the opportunity to build an ICU to mimic the cutting edge manner in which he trained. Except that there are many here that liked it just fine that way it was thankyouverymuch. There's a feeling of there being not nearly enough support there. We estimated yesterday that he's working 100-120 hours per week. That's 2 1/2-3 full time jobs. I miss my husband. My kids miss their dad and are just grafted to him when he's home. Unfortunately, some of his admin work is done from home, so there's a necessary, but dissappointing pushing away of the kids in the name of getting more work done.

It is not how we wanted it be at this point.

There's an upcoming meeting with bosses to discuss these issues. Something has to improve or this is not a viable situation.

Many questions are being raised. We all miss NH so much. Is it because it is still freshest in our memory? Dillon tells us she'd happily move back there- without even being asked. Did we make a mistake leaving there? Admittedly, I don't love winter and there was a lot of it there. Was there something I could've done differently to make the winters more manageable for myself? Am I just thinking of it idyllically since we left at my favorite time of year?

Maybe we haven't given this a fair chance. While our house is fine, it's just outside a few industrial areas, meaning that we frequently drive through those areas. It's a hard change to go from looking at trees all the time to looking at a corn processing plant. Maybe if we didn't live in this particular area- afterall, the entire city isn't industrial & parts of it are hilly with trees- it would feel different. We've made some friends and found activities that we enjoy. I know I can't expect it to be the same as friends that I had 5 years to get to know.

On the other hand, I love that we are closer to family now, making it significantly easier to travel to see them. Dillon loves that she's closer to her cousins & can't wait to do more sleepovers. For a host of reasons, it simply feels easier being closer.

Dillon has gone to her second session with the play therapist. I know they played something called unicorn land, but nothing else. She hasn't offered to share more than that and I'm not pushing her to do so. The therapist is supposed to email me this week with her thoughts. Do I share this newest agonizing monkey wrench into Dillon's already difficult adjustment? Maybe I should go see her myself!

It's entirely feasible that things will be worked out at the hospital and we'll ultimately decide that this is a good place for us. Indecision is so difficult.

Anyone have a spare crystal ball I can borrow?


veganbaby said...

I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time right now. Its been six months here and Desmina still cries for NH (and she wasn't even there for long). I wish I knew what to tell you to make you feel better. I do think that you are a wonderful support system for the girls and I think that is very important. We miss you guys! Can you email me Dillon's address again?

Anonymous said...

You have to take this to God and ask for guidance in making the right decision. He alone has the perfect answer.We just have to listen.Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do because we want to handle it ourselves.My prayers are with you!

NannyOgg said...

Behind in blog reading, just saw this.

So many {{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}} your way!

I won't give any advice, just supporting you in your ponderings and wonderings and hoping that you guys will find the best road for you.


Angie said...

I'm sorry that things have been so tough here, Wendy! I can't imagine having to just move away from everything (and everyone) you are so familiar with for so long. I'm not good about calling people, so don't be shy to call me and we'll get together. You can even come over to our house -- we have some trees. ;)