Being 2 1/2....

Had to post some pictures since it's been a little while since I've posted. The painting one is from when she and I were painting one of the walls in her room. She actually did very well with the paint, only getting it on a couple of spots it wasn't supposed to be, including a part of her rear end :) The wall looks really nice and we've gotten another painted since then.

The outdoor pictures are from a recent bike ride. We packed up our dinner, rode for a while, then stopped at this spot off of the rail trail. Dillon & I had stopped there the day before and found it to be such a great place- beautiful view of the river with a small area that Dillon could wade in safely. It was only about 65 degrees out when we were out there, but I had learned from the day before to bring her a change of clothes. So, she got to play a bit, Dave & I got to eat dinner and visit a bit, then I changed her clothes, got her all snuggled in her blanket in the trailer and gave her some food to eat on the ride (since there was NO interest in eating when there's all that sand and water and rocks to play with) and off we went. On the way home we stopped for ice cream since our local ice cream shop was about to close for the season. So, a fun night all in all.

One of my favorite things that she's been doing lately is quoting books. It used to be only occasionally and only the ones that we read a lot. Now it's a lot more frequent and the quotes come from books we have only read a couple of times- provided it's a book she likes. We've been going to the library regularly, which really keeps her interested in books. The current favorite is "If you give a pig a pancake." It's really fun to read it with her because you can start a sentence and she'll finish it for you. And, of course, grins from ear to ear the whole time.

We got her a bike several weeks ago, but it's really too big for her. She's pushed in around, but can't really ride it. So, Dave got her a new one yesterday- more of a big wheel style. She still can't reach the pedals (how she'd get such short legs?!) but can reach the floor and move herself around, which she loves. I'm going to take her to the park today where there are more sidewalks. I'll try to get pictures to post.

Now she's awake, so computer time has ended for a while. I'll try to not wait so long to post next time.

Lessons from the Rail Trail

Here's Dillon in her new bike trailer! I've been wanting to go riding for a while since I hadn't since before she was born. I finally decided between a bike seat and a bike trailer. We found one on sale, so off on a bike ride we went! We have a Rail Trail entrance about a mile from our house. It's the perfect place to ride because it's pretty level and there are no motorized vehicles on it- in the summer anyway. There are snowmobiles on it in the winter, not that we'd be able to ride a bike then, anyway. She happily put on her helmet and crawled right in. I put snacks, a blanket (in was only upper 50's when we headed out), and a doll. She was happy as a clam. We rode for about a half and hour, then took a break so she could get out and walk around, then spent another 1/2 hour just playing along the trail.

So, here are some of the lessons learned from our excursion on the rail trail-

The bike throws dirt back into the trailer, though there wasn't any on her face, so it seems to be manageable.

A blanket is a necessity when the temp is below about 70.

A river that goes under a bridge is not 2 different rivers, it's only one.

God threw the rocks in the river.

Some plants have stickers on them.

Those stickers are different than the paper kind, of which there are several on the bike trailer.

It's fun to spin the bike tire when the bike is laying on the ground (no kickstand on my bike).

When you run a stick along the spokes of a spinning bike wheel, it makes music. This will entertain Dillon for about 10 minutes straight.

The woods are not a bathroom, but it's OK to pee in them.

According to Dillon, there are such things as "momma long legs," the female version of "daddy long legs."

All told, though, it was a great success & I think we both look forward to going again. Hopefully Dave will be able to join us at some point.

The endless questions

I think that somewhere I was prepared for the "why" stage of toddlerhood. I wasn't prepared for the questions to be fully articulated though. After expressing the desire for a temporary off switch for the constant stream of questions, Dave very gently and kindly reminded me the other day that we really do want her to ask questions. He's right- we do. I still wish there was a temporary off switch.

Here's a sampling of some recent conversations:
This morning in the car:
D: Is that a fence? W:Yes
D: Are fences dangerous? W: No
D: Are fences dangerous? W: no
D: Are you sure? W: Yes
D: Is that a fence right there? W: yes
D: Are fences dangerous? W: Nope, they still aren't dangerous
D: Are you sure? W: Yes, baby, I'm sure

Last Saturday after I fell backwards over the fan-
D: Momma are you OK? W: nodding yes
D: Momma are you OK? W: still nodding yes
D: Momma did you hurt yourself? W: still nodding yes
D: Did you hurt your knee: W: No, I hurt the back of my leg
D: Did you hurt the back of your knee W: No the back of my leg
D: Did you hurt the back of your knee a little bit? W: No, baby, the back of my leg
D: I wanna see you hurt the back of your leg. W: It's one of those hurts that you can't see
D: Did you hurt the back of your leg? W: Yes
D: Did you break the fan? W: Yes- it looks like one of the feet fell off
D: Is it broken? W: Well, let me see if I can fix it.
D: Did you break it? W: I don't know yet
D: Momma, did you fall on the fan and break it? W: It looks that way
D: Did you fix the fan, momma? W: I'm trying to
D: Maybe Daddy can fix it. W: I think I can do it
D: Momma, did you hurt the back of your knee? W: no, baby the back of my leg

Thursday, in the car trying to find a place to park to go to the farmer's market. I didn't asnwer a good number of these questions since I was trying to concentrate on driving!
W: Oh, looks like we'll have to look around for a place to park
D: Are we trying to find a place to park? Are we going to the farmer's market? Is there a place to park over there? Are we going to turn here? Are we going to swing? Is this the farmer's market? Are we turning to find a place to park? Are we going to park here? Are you turning the car momma? Momma! Are we looking for a place to park? Is this the farmer's market?

Then there are those questions that I have no idea how to answer-

What happens when Dillon's a big girl?
What happens when Dillon's a little tiny baby?
What happens when Daddy's a little tiny baby?


There are also the ones that are kind of fun because you get to see how she remembers things and puts them together-
Is Mimi daddy's mom?
Is Nana your mom?

And the sweet ones-
Momma are you still sad that Satchmo's not here anymore?
Can I have a hug?
Can I go see daddy's working downstairs?

See, here, I'm worn out just thinking about all those questions!

Big girl

The cute hair lasted for approximately 2 minutes after this picture was taken. She inherited my super-fine hair, so nothing will stay in it for very long. It was really cute while it lasted, though!

We're slowly adjusting to life without Satchmo. We all miss him a great deal. Dillon asked me out of the blue yesterday morning if I was still sad. I've learned to clarify what information she is looking for before answering that question because she may well be thinking about me bumping my knee a month ago. When I asked her what would I be sad about, she said "Cause Satchmo's not here anymore." I told her I was and asked her if she missed him and she said "Yeah." It's interesting how she processes his death. She still talks about him, but is making fewer comments about how she wants to give him a bite of food or wants to pet him. She will, out of nowhere, tell us that Satchmo died. As we have all along, we talk about it for as long as she wants, then move on.

Two weeks ago, I took her to the circus. It was a saturday & Dave was on call, so she & I went to breakfast and went to a small traveling circus that was in town. It was a one-ring circus and the show lasted a little over 2 hours. The animals were all the more domestic variety- birds, cats, dogs and horses. Dillon loved the dog tricks the best. Most of the rest of it kept her attnetion for the most part, though a few things were lost of her. Honestly, a few things were lost of me, like the guy that spun a large ceramic flower pot on his head. All I could do was wondering about the moment that he thought "Hey, why I don't I try spinning that 50 pound flower pot on my head?!" All in all, though, she seemed to like it and we'll probably do it again next year. There's another one coming to town next month, but I think we'll pass on it. I can't say that she liked it enough to do it again just yet. Several times since then she's commented that "Sometimes circuses are loud." Yep, sometimes they are.

Yesterday morning, my friend Juliana kept Dillon while I worked half a day. She took them (Dillon and Emma, her daughter) to a little children's theatre performance- a little 3o minute play. When I came to pick Dillon up, Juliana said they had a interesting conversation in the car.
Dillon told Emma, who is 5 months younger, that she (Dillon) was a girl and that she had girl parts. That's what made her a girl. And big girls pee on the potty and girls sit down when they pee. I asked if there was any discussion about what boys do and she said that the conversation pretty much just stuck to what girls do. We both found it pretty funny.

We're going to play with a new friend this afternoon, Lydia. She just moved into town and this will be the second time we've gotten together. Actually we saw her for a little while this morning, too, so this is a very exciting day for both of them.

Our friend

In Memory of Satchmo

February 14, 1994-July 12, 2005

What a tough week this has been. We miss him more than we can possibly express. He was a force to be reckoned with! There was no doubt about his presence on this earth, just with the sheer frequency of his barking! It is that trait that makes his absence that much more profound. Even with a toddler in the house, it is deafeningly quiet. I still find myself bracing for the shrill barking that is to come when either of us walks in the door. That silence is tough. Each little part of the day that was his is another reminder that he's gone. Getting him up in the morning- he had to be picked up, or at the very least given a sufficient scratch on the back or he would refuse to go outside. More often than not, when one of us would pass him trying to sleep, we'd bend down and give him a little scratch. I never realized that I pretty much always did this after getting Dillon down for a nap. The first night we didn't put him to bed was devastating. I've never seen a dog get so excited to go to bed- but only if he was tired. He was our friend through many life changes. He disagreed on things that we thought were good ideas-- getting another dog, moving somewhere with 50 degree below zero wind chills, having a baby, then moving to somewhere in which the snow was deeper than he was tall- the list goes on. Sometimes he won, sometimes not. He did learn to deal with having the baby around, but not for a while. For as crazy as he made us at times, he could also be the most sweet, loving dog you've ever met. We loved him a great deal and his loss has affected us deeply.

For her part, Dillon is trying to figure it out. She went to the vet with us. She saw the vet examine him and then him with the oxygen mask on and the IV in before Dave brought she & I home for her to go to bed. She knew something was wrong and hiding it from her wouldn't have been fair. While she didn't know that's what she was doing, she got to pet him goodbye too. The next morning I just gave her the simple explanation that Satchmo didn't get better and wasn't going to be at our house anymore. Mostly she gave me hugs when I cried and told her that I was sad because I missed Satchmo. There have been lots of hugs and I love you's all week for Dave & I both. She's asked several questions since then. We've told her that Satchmo died and what that means in concrete terms- he isn't breathing, he won't play with her anymore, he doesn't eat anymore. She'll seem to get it, then will make a comment sometime later about wanting to see Satchmo or that the doctor or daddy or momma will make him feel better. We've tried to keep it very simple and just follow her lead. Neither of us have hidden being sad about him and have just answered questions as they've come up. For now, we're not going to even make an attempt at explaining his ashes. I'm going to try to go by the vet's to pick them up tomorrow without her. Based on some of her comments this week, she thinks he's still there.

Tonight, Dave's on call and Courtney is in town. She asked if she could come get Dillon for a little while this evening. One of the tough things about this week is the difficulty in just being able to grieve the loss of our friend. Dillon's needs have not changed, and really have only increased with her trying to figure this out as well. Everything is so interrupted when taking care of a young child. By no means is that a complaint, but it is much tougher to just take care of your own need to just grieve when her needs are so great. So, I've ended up with some time all to myself tonight. I spent some time at the bookstore- something I truly miss from pre-child days- then came home. It gave me enough time to switch gears out of caregiving mode and be able to sit and cry a bit, uninterrupted. I had been wanting to make this post because writing always helps me, but wanted to do it, again, uninterrupted.

The support of friends and family has made this week a little more bearable. We've gotten either phone calls, emails or cards each day since he died. It doesn't make us miss him any less, but does help us feel less alone. I still can't believe he's gone and I still find myself wanting to say things to him- "here satchmo, I dropped a piece of food," "come on buddy" when we come in from outside. Then there's the toughest one of all- 'Goodnight, Satchmo, sleep well."

Happy 4th of July!

We had a good time celebrating the 4th of July yesterday. Unfortunately, I took all film pictures instead of digital, so I don't have any to share today. We went to the celebration in Hanover (the city beside us) in the morning where we got to see some baby animals, sit in a fire truck, watch some poeple dancing, have a sno-cone for the first time (her, not me!) and see some friends. She also enjoyed just running up and down some of the ramps outside the dorms at Dartmouth College. In the evening, we went to our local celebration where we twice rode in a horse drawn wagon, did a little swinging and watched people getting dunked in one of those things that you throw balls at a target so the seat drops out from under someone. She thought that was pretty cool. Then we decided to go get some food, and chose Italian. There's a place pretty close to us and is very child-friendly, so that's were we went. After eating we decided to get desert. The waitress brought the desert try over, Dave and I both chose what we wanted. Dillon followed both of our "I want..." statements with "I want a fork!" Forget choosing one- I want them all!!

After we ate, we decided to walk around outside a bit. It's a pretty area by a river with a small shopping area what was all closed for the holiday. Dillon found a store stroller with a seat in front and a basket in the back. We made many circles around the parking lot either pushing her or her pushing the cart. Unfortunately, at one point, she stumbled and got tangled with the stroller handle. It came down on her finger and scraped it along the concrete a bit. Bless her heart, you could tell it really hurt. She nursed (which makes everything better) then decided that Daddy hugs were in order. We walked back to the car and Dave had her half buckled in when she started to cry again and said her finger still hurt and she needed more Daddy hugs. SO, of course, he got her back out and obliged her need for Daddy hugs. Good Daddy! Today she says it still hurts, and it looks pretty bruised, so I imagine it does. Poor baby!!

Daddy

Boy is she all about her daddy right now! We both wish we had a dollar for every time she says "daddy" in an evening. She asks for him when she first wakes up, she follows him when he leaves the room and wants to go with him when he runs an errand. About a week ago, she and I had a cute conversation. I heard her in her room when she woke up in the morning.
D: "Mommy!"
W: "Good morning, baby."
D: "I want Mommy to pick me up"
W: "OK"
D: "and take me to daddy!"

A couple of nights ago we were finishing dinner and she said "Daddy! Daddy! I want Daddy to hold me. But not Momma."

Of course, a short time later, she had a little bump on something and immediately wanted me. Funny how that works.

All evening long we hear "Dady, daddy, daddy, I want daddy, I want daddy!" She's not crying or upset or anything- she just wants her daddy. At dinner, it's often followed by "I want daddy to feeeeeeeed me."

I think it's pretty cool, though. Their relationship has grown so much since I started working every other saturday with Dillon staying home with Dave. He's so much more comfortable in taking care of her now. In the beginning, all he could do was take care of her. Now they go to the museum on a regular basis, they go shopping for yard stuff or even Mother's Day presents. I was particularly impressed by his willingness to take her to JCPenney's to go Mother's Day shopping. He said that she got under the clothes in the racks and loudly proclaimed "Look Daddy- I'm in a cage!" They also have the tradition of making "Daddy eggs." They are scrambled eggs with some combination of cheese, mushrooms, sausage and/or shrimp and/or bacon in them. She LOVES them and when they didn't have all the stuff they needed one time, he loaded her up, they went to the grocery store to get what they needed, then came back home and made Daddy eggs. What a good daddy he is!