Starting to wonder...

Did we make the right decision to come here? It reflects my silence as of late, but now it's keeping me up at night, so I need to quit keeping it in.

In some ways, Dave's job is great- the opportunity to build an ICU to mimic the cutting edge manner in which he trained. Except that there are many here that liked it just fine that way it was thankyouverymuch. There's a feeling of there being not nearly enough support there. We estimated yesterday that he's working 100-120 hours per week. That's 2 1/2-3 full time jobs. I miss my husband. My kids miss their dad and are just grafted to him when he's home. Unfortunately, some of his admin work is done from home, so there's a necessary, but dissappointing pushing away of the kids in the name of getting more work done.

It is not how we wanted it be at this point.

There's an upcoming meeting with bosses to discuss these issues. Something has to improve or this is not a viable situation.

Many questions are being raised. We all miss NH so much. Is it because it is still freshest in our memory? Dillon tells us she'd happily move back there- without even being asked. Did we make a mistake leaving there? Admittedly, I don't love winter and there was a lot of it there. Was there something I could've done differently to make the winters more manageable for myself? Am I just thinking of it idyllically since we left at my favorite time of year?

Maybe we haven't given this a fair chance. While our house is fine, it's just outside a few industrial areas, meaning that we frequently drive through those areas. It's a hard change to go from looking at trees all the time to looking at a corn processing plant. Maybe if we didn't live in this particular area- afterall, the entire city isn't industrial & parts of it are hilly with trees- it would feel different. We've made some friends and found activities that we enjoy. I know I can't expect it to be the same as friends that I had 5 years to get to know.

On the other hand, I love that we are closer to family now, making it significantly easier to travel to see them. Dillon loves that she's closer to her cousins & can't wait to do more sleepovers. For a host of reasons, it simply feels easier being closer.

Dillon has gone to her second session with the play therapist. I know they played something called unicorn land, but nothing else. She hasn't offered to share more than that and I'm not pushing her to do so. The therapist is supposed to email me this week with her thoughts. Do I share this newest agonizing monkey wrench into Dillon's already difficult adjustment? Maybe I should go see her myself!

It's entirely feasible that things will be worked out at the hospital and we'll ultimately decide that this is a good place for us. Indecision is so difficult.

Anyone have a spare crystal ball I can borrow?

Play Therapist

I found a Play Therapist that Dave and I had an appointment with this week. We both liked her a lot and think that Dillon will as well. Dillon meets with her on Tuesday. There will be periodic meetings with us to work things out.

It feels better for me to recognize and acknowledge that the problems we're having aren't going to go away. We have a little girl that is hurting a great deal and we're going to do everything we can to help her feel better. She's looking forward to meeting "the lady who is going to help me feel better."

Still not a lot of detail I know, but just wanted to give an update as to what's going on.

Sorry for the absence

The short version is this- Dillon is struggling with this move and her dad being at work so much. I am, too, but can recognize that it really won't be that long that he works so much. Once the hospital is up and running well, things will get easier for him. Anyway, Dillon is struggling. It's been like this low simmer for the last couple of months that has escalated to a full boil over the last few days. I don't want to put details out there right now. We're trying to figure out how to help her and us as a family. She is clearly hurting a great deal and needs... I don't know what she needs, exactly, but we're going to figure it out.

Random pictures

Lots going on the last few weeks. Here are just a few random pictures from things going on:

1st horse show! All she got to do was lead line (which is essentially just a pony ride) but it was still fun watching the other kids and seeing what she'll be working on in the future.

Dillon and I right before a wedding we went to a couple of weeks ago. She was my date and was so excited to get all dressed up and go!






Corryn with a pull up she found at my mom's house and my shoes from the wedding-




Science experiements- color change milk:

Perspective

Dillon woke up really early this morning while I still had the news on. We've been talking about voting and what it means. I was explaining to her that Barack Obama won the election and will be the new president. She hasn't seen a lot of the political process since we watch very little TV and was trying to figure out who Obama was. Instead of describing him, I just pointed him out on the TV.

To clarify, she asked: "You mean the one with the really short hair?"

Interesting. Not the man with the dark skin- the man with the short hair. What a great place it would be if that was the extent of the differences we could see in one another- short hair vs. long hair.

Did you vote?

I did- on Friday. Indiana allows for early voting. I'm really glad since Dillon woke up vomiting this morning and remained sick the rest of the day. I hate to admit it, but I think that 2 hour lines with a sick child probably would've gotten the better of me.

Here's why I vote:

Trying to find the good

I feel like every post starts with something along the lines of "we're still adjusting...some days are great, some not so much, blah, blah, blah".

There is still just this pervasive unsettled-ness inherent to a change like this. It feels incredibly lonely sometimes.

Today, I want to focus on the good.

The weather is great. The colors are really pretty and it's warm enough to be out there enjoying them. This was the first Halloween we had actual trick or treaters coming to our house. It was kind of funny watching them trying to get us to answer our door when we were out doing our own trick or treating. There's a trick in there somewhere for next year, I'm sure.

We're making friends, finding fun things to do. We've started a gymnastics class for homeschoolers for Dillon and a toddler class for Corryn and me. I even met a mom last week that I really liked. We've started having a regular playdate with one of the girls from the homeschool group we're part of. Her mom and I have very similar homeschooling and parenting philosophies, so I'm thrilled to be getting together regularly with them. Dillon is LOVING the horseback riding. I have to admit that as a horse person myself, I love taking her. I was extremely proud of her last week when she had her first fall off her horse. She got right back on without a single tear.

Dave is enjoying his job. It would be nice if he didn't have to enjoy it so much of the time, but I'm focusing on the good here. The rental house is good. We're thinking about just buying it and staying put for a few years. It makes a lot of sense from a financial standpoint. I keep meaning to take some pictures of it post. I'll get it done eventually.